Sex, Drugs & Fibromyalgia

Make bullying illegal

Sun, 05 May 2013 16:07:10 +0100

So I know I haven’t blogged for a long time but this topic is really important to me so I will be hijacking my fibromyalgia blog for this short time.

Recently a group of parents have been urging the government to make bullying against the law.
I am completely for this as I was bullied ever since my first day at secondary school.

Here’s a little background about my experiences: I have naturally ginger hair, pale skin, average height and quite thin. Throughout school I had the obvious name calling associated with my hair colour, I also got called names about being underweight and once even got told to “go out and get cancer” in reference to my pale skin. All of these ended up in me becoming very depressed and developing something called body dysmorphic disorder. The lowest point of the bullying was when someone set my hair on fire. I have been lucky to leave the bullying without any physical scars but emotionally I still deal with a lot.

I now have a son and I am terrified that he would ever have to feel how I did in school. Then I think about how parents must feel who have lost their child to suicide after bullying has had such a big effect on them.

That may explain why I am so for bullying being illegal.

Here’s what I think. There are the little name callings that’s just ‘banter’ that can be upsetting but most people will stop when they find out the joke isn’t taken from both sides. Then there’s the bullying that seems to increase exponentially the more you fight it. People who feed off others hurt and it ends up in the horror that is suicide. How is beating someone emotionally any different to beating someone with a crowbar?

It’s illegal to commit actual or grievous bodily harm so why is it not illegal to commit actual or grievous mental harm?

When someone kills another person when they just meant to hurt them a bit, they are committing manslaughter which is illegal. So how is it not the same if someone commits suicide because of someone wanting to hurt them a bit?

The biggest issue is the grey area. Do you prosecute a child for calling someone a name once? Do you prosecute when the school or parents haven’t attempted to fix anything? These are my suggestions to the government, make bullying illegal. When going ahead with legal proceedings parents and schools should keep a log of what attempts have been made to stop the bullying as that is part of teaching children what is right and wrong. If bullying has reached that next stage an has gone too far (which is before self-harm or suicide!), then the law is there to provide consequences.

Basic human psychology: without consequences we can’t learn what’s right or wrong. From a girl’s point of view; eat chocolate and don’t get fat means you can eat more chocolate.

I hope this has made some sense and not just been a rant. Let’s all stop bullying!

Long time no update?

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 15:52:59 +0000

Hey so I haven’t posted to my blog for a really long time. The pregnancy towards the end made me extremely tired so if I wasn’t working I was in bed pretty much.

I left work for maternity leave on the 11th of Jan and on the 20th I had my lovely baby boy :). We had to stay in hospital for 3 days as he was a little poorly but, 7 weeks later and we are enjoying our days around the flat and going out for walks to the shop or gp.

Seeing as this blog is about my life suffering from Fibromyalgia, I guess I should tell you how it’s been as a new mum.

Literally as soon as the epidural wore off the fibromyalgia symptoms flooded back. It was as if 9 months of it being fairly manageable hit me all at once. I was in a wheelchair whenever I need to go anywhere from half 5 in the evening till 4am.

Since leaving the hospital I’ve gone back to my normal ratio of good and bad days. I generally always have an ache in my lower back. On good days I can do everything I need to in a day but will be pretty tired by about 7pm. On a bad day though. I can barely even get up let alone pick up my little fussing baby. So far I’ve managed to go through the pain and give what my baby needs but I am definitely worried that I’m coming up to the wall of my strength. I’m currently not taking anything other than paracetamol as I’m breastfeeding. I’m hoping my new gp can help me find some way of coping.

I’m certainly enjoying playing with my boy as much as I can on my good days to make up for being a lousy mum on my bad days.

The final stretch....

Mon, 31 Dec 2012 16:19:00 +0000

Hey so I’m now beyond 35 weeks and have been having a few days where I’ve been getting regular contractions.

No sign of waters breaking or any other baby time related signs but I think he’s getting ready to say hello to the world.

So since my last update I’ve had an eventful time. We had worries that I had developed preeclampsia a few days ago so went to see my GP. No preeclampsia luckily, but we did find out that I have developed gestational diabetes. As I’m so late in the pregnancy they’ve decided to just keep monitoring me rather than induce me early. So now I’m on weekly check ups at the hospital.

What does this mean in terms of my lifestyle?
Well this is yet another blow to my diet. Now I have different dietary restrictions for the following:

mild wheat intolerance
mild lactose intolerance
allergies to herbs and spices such as oregano, chilli, curry powder, black pepper, bell peppers etc
high cholesterol
fibromyalgia and ibs
diabetes

Needless to say, my first lunch break since being told what I can no longer eat there was many tears whilst staring at the shelves of waitrose.

I have huge empathy for those who have diabetes, at least with gestational diabetes I should be able to go back to eating relatively normally after I’ve had the baby, and that’s what I’m focusing on right now.

The pains are definitely reaching a limit now. Not being able to take the pain killers I had before I was pregnant is testing my mental strength. Currently the fibro seems to be not so bad, it’s only worsened by the weight of my baby and other general pregnancy stuff. The pains I’m getting are focused in my back and hips with my normal aches of my wrists and knees not affecting me so much lately. The worst ache has been in the left side of my back as I have it constantly, whether I’m sitting, lying, standing, stretching etc. Nothing seems to make it go away. I have no idea whether it’s the pregnancy or the fibro but I cannot wait to have this baby and get my body back.

It will be all worth it in the end.

Nearing the end....

Mon, 03 Dec 2012 22:16:51 +0000

So it’s been a long time since I posted an update, sorry for that!

I’m now almost 32 weeks and been having a lot of pregnancy/fibro issues.
We discovered that my chest pain and heart problems were due to being anemic and the doctor possibly thinks the fibro may have played a role.

I have ballooned since my last update and with that the aches and pains have got worse. Both pregnancy and fibromyalgia.

I certainly am getting tired a lot more, I only had really a month and a bit of energy instead of the full second trimester most women apparently get. I have no idea whether this is just the pregnancy differing as it does from woman to woman, or if it’s the fibro talking my energy.

Other than the expected issues, I’m doing alright! Work is incredibly supportive and I’ve been needing a lot more breaks recently. Yesterday was the baby shower and I was so incredibly overwhelmed by all the love and gifts from everyone. We’re now set for this baby boy! In two weeks we have our antenatal class at the hospital so hopefully that will get us mentally as ready as we are physically.

I go on maternity leave in 7 weeks, lets hope I last at work that long!
If you have any questions about being pregnant whilst suffering form fibromyalgia, feel free to message me.

21 weeks and 4 days….healthy and well developed baby boy...

Mon, 24 Sep 2012 18:27:58 +0100

21 weeks and 4 days….healthy and well developed baby boy :)

It's a.....BOY

Sat, 15 Sep 2012 08:07:51 +0100

It’s been a fair while since I posted an update so this could turn into a long one…

Since my last post at almost 15 weeks I have moved out of my flat into my boyfriends parents. Although cramped fitting all 4 of us under one roof it is quite nice and I have got to know his parents a lot more since they got back from holiday. We have found our perfect flat and are currently waiting on referencing but hopefully will be moved in by next week :).

I’m now 20 weeks pregnant and yesterday we found out we’re having a boy! Quite excited as I think that’s what we both wanted for our first baby but I’m also terrified as I have no idea how to bring up a boy so I have some learning to do. We have everything already sorted for the baby except clothes and toys so now we can get cracking with those.

The pregnancy has been tough, I had a really bad weekend with severe fibromyalgia problems which led to me being unable to really move for about 3 days. My aching has come back and as my bump gets bigger my right hip and knee cope less. It’s definitely worse in the evenings and as much as I’m trying to avoid medicines I’m taking paracetamol almost daily and finding it’s not working all that well. It is interesting to try an guess what will wake me up through the night, needing a wee or my pain.

Anyway that’s enough of an update for now, I should have a new pic of the baby in a couple of weeks :)

1 week til I meet my consultant...

Mon, 06 Aug 2012 21:13:00 +0100

So I’ve had a tough ol’ time recently, thought that I would do a bit of an update about it…

I’m now in my second trimester, 14 weeks and 4 days to be exact right now.
And it seems my body is coping less and less each week. I had to go to hospital again last Thursday as my heart started racing and would not go slower no matter what I tried. Luckily nothing majorly wrong with me or baby, the doctor just told me I need to take it a lot easier than I have been and not get stressed cause my heart is struggling with the pregnancy. I have a consultant appointment next week for my 16 week check-up due to my heart issues and the fibromyalgia. This is where the consultant will decide if I’m a high-risk pregnancy and whether I can have my water birth or if I have to give birth on the labour ward. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

So for those who wana know what it’s like to be pregnant with fibro….here’s the lowdown since my last post…

Hello aches and pains! So the last time I posted I said how the aches hadn’t been that bad fibrowise…well that’s all changed. In the past few weeks I’ve experienced aches in my lower back, neck, ankles, hips, knees, elbows and fingers.

Fibrofog or pregnancy brain? I’m not just forgetting things, but my words are getting muddled. I find it hard to say a sentence the right way round - this is definitely the fibro and pregnancy working together

Fatigue much…I am still so tired all the time! I’m meant to be getting my energy back around now but I’m feeling more and more tired. No matter what time I go to bed I feel exhausted when I wake up, more than I was feeling with just the fibro. I’m trying to get a nap when I can but working full time and having to organise moving flat and all the other baby stuff I don’t have much time left to rest. On top of that when I do get to rest the aches are making me so uncomfortable that I then wake up from the pain and have to move around before I can rest again.

OK whinging over, happy thoughts….Should be able to feel the baby move soon and there’ll be a new scan pic in 5 and half weeks!

12 week scan. Baby is very healthy so we are extremely...

Thu, 19 Jul 2012 06:06:19 +0100

12 week scan. Baby is very healthy so we are extremely happy.

The fibromyalgia has actually not been as bad as it was before I got pregnant, maybe this is the cure?! I’ve been getting general aches still but not the debilitating ones I had been getting the months prior. My energy levels have been incredibly low. With fibro I’ve always been pretty tired but add in the hormones from pregnancy and I’ve been sleeping every chance I’ve had.. Not fallen asleep at work yet though!

10 Weeks already?

Tue, 03 Jul 2012 11:01:00 +0100

So today marks 10 weeks into my pregnancy….There’s so many things that I knew happened in pregnancy but I didn’t know they happened this early on!!

For example, I’m so out of breath all the time it’s getting annoying. I walk upstairs and I need to rest - part of that is the fibromyalgia, but it’s definitely noticeably getting worse.
My body is changing every day and I already can’t fit into most of my jeans, I’ve just bought new bra’s and already they’re feeling too tight!

All in all the body stuff I can cope with, I have flu at the moment which is a bit of a struggle seeing as I’m asthmatic, the aches are making the fibro worse and I can’t take anything for it because it could harm baby.
What I’m not coping so well with is this huge feeling of being unprepared. I feel like I have nothing sorted, but I don’t know what I need to sort out!
There’s things like my boyfriend and I are going to move in together, but I need to find someone to take my current room before we can know when we can move. I suppose I’m not crazily freaking out about this cause we’ve decided to move by September in time for the third trimester….but I still don’t know where to begin with this.
Maternity clothes - well they’re just god awful! There is not a single maternity shop that sells clothes I like. So far I think my plan is to buy some cheap clothes a couple of sizes too big and then create some ruched sides myself.

On top of all that….this is a baby! I don’t know how my body is going to cope over the next few months, and after all that I have delivery, and then a little baby that needs me!
I’m pretty scared at the moment as there’s not much info out there, that I can find, about pregnancy and fibromyalgia. The normal pregnancy fears I can learn to deal with, but with the fibro I just have to take each day as it comes….

Check back in a couple of weeks when I should have a scan pic to show you :)

So which of you is causing what?

Tue, 19 Jun 2012 10:33:28 +0100

Today is the first day since finding out I’m pregnant that I’ve felt really awful with the fibro too.

I can’t tell what symptoms are the pregnancy and what are the fibro?!!
I’m so tired that I swear I’ve fallen asleep with my eyes open a few times today already. I can’t stand for more than 10 minutes or my knees, hips and tummy start aching severely.

To top it all off I have a huge case of fibrofog so in general I’m coming across a little weird to those around me.

It alao doesn’t help that I am in a foul mood…this could be hormones, lack of sleep or that fact that I was so wound up by a manager yesterday that I really don’t want to have to work.

All in all I’m not feeling great. At least tomorrow some decisions can be made as I find out how far I am at my first scan.

Mood Swings

Tue, 19 Jun 2012 10:09:49 +0100

So it’s been a little while since I’ve done an update, and what a big bit of news I have.

The past couple of months I have been super stressed, and super cranky. Then the last 3 weeks I have had continuous nausea. Thought that it was all because I was stressed but last week I found out I’m pregnant.

This create a whole world of anxiety, not just because I wasn’t planning on it but how can I cope when I can’t even look after myself normally with the fibro? Now I don’t know whats from the fibro and what’s from this little baby, it’s all highly confusing.

I have a scan next week to determine how long I’ve been pregnant, because of the stress I’ve been under it’s hard to work out on our own. Guess this blog will also serve as an update to what it’s like living with Fibromyalgia and a pregnancy….

This is how I’m feeling right now..

Tue, 05 Jun 2012 09:06:17 +0100

This is how I’m feeling right now..

A Long Rest...

Tue, 22 May 2012 23:50:53 +0100

Sorry for the lack of posting recently. I’ve been ill with bronchitis so have been resting and only recently had the energy to go back to work without feeling like I’m going to collapse in a heap of asthma.

So an update on the fibro….seeing as that’s what this blog is for :)

I have been have some awful days and some really fantastic days. Let’s start with the bad and get better from there shall we…

With the respiratory problems I have been coughing a lot which seems to aggravate the muscles involved in terms of pain. My back and abdomen (around my diaphragm) have been so sore the past couple of weeks. A lot of bed/sofa rest has also meant less activity and my joints have been particularly sore. Recently I’ve been having more problems with my fingers, wrists and elbows. I think this was something that was starting before I fell ill and therefore I’m going to mention it to my doctor in case there’s signs of arthritis rather than the fibro causing this.

My sleep has been up and down recently too. I’m finding it incredibly hard to get to sleep, the insomnia is getting worse when I’m on my own add the night time coughing and I’ve been barely managing a few hours each night. I think this must be mainly down to comfort and stress as when I’m with my boyfriend I seem to drift off to sleep easier. I’m waking up feeling extremely exhausted no matter how much sleep I’m getting though. There’s a sleeping aid my uncle has suggested I try (he is also an FM sufferer and sees a rheumatology specialist) it’s called Amitriptyline and was originally developed as an anti-depressant but works at regulating your sleep pattern once you’re asleep. I’ve always been worried about trying sleeping medication in case I don’t wake up in time for work etc but as this isn’t designed to knock you out I figure it might be worth a try. Anyone take it? Does it help?

On to the positives….

Other than medication I also decided seeing as I’m in a good patch pain wise right now to get back into exercise. I’ve only tried twice but my energy levels have picked up dramatically. I’ve started with a bit of swimming then a bit of time in a jacuzzi. The first time I did this it was after an intense day of training at work and it made me feel better and was nice that I was with friends as we got rid of all our stress. Today though I decided to go in before work. I was a bit worried about doing this as it meant getting up at 5:20am and with my sleep being bad right now I didn’t want to lose precious pillow time. However I have felt amazing all day. I didn’t get tired at work like I normally do. Although I ached slightly in my legs I didn’t have any intense pain throughout the day just a dull, kind of thudding, ache which is livable. Exercise is definitely looking like a good addition to my life in terms of pain management as long as I don’t overdo it.

Other positives, I’m dealing with stress better at least at work. I don’t know how as I’m not actively attempting stress management techniques but instead just trying to generally feel more positive and not worry about what’s not in my control. Next step is to apply that to my personal life as well.

My boyfriend has also been helping me improve my diet. I’ve cut out almost all wheat from my diet. Occaisionally I forget what to organise for lunch at work so I have to grab whatever is around which is usually a sandwich. But once I’m more proactive about it I will prepare my lunch before and take it in - cheaper and healthier. I’m also cutting out general unhealthy fatty items for my cholesterol. I’m also trying to cut out some other things we read on a website about ‘The Fibromyalgia Diet’. Could be a load of propaganda but it’s worth finding out if it makes me healthier as it’s not a crazy fad diet of eat only things grown in Timbuktu or whatever the insane weight watching people are doing right now.

So things I’m avoiding include; chocolate, caffeine (no more red bull), alcohol, and fizzy drinks. All pretty easy so far seeing as I prefer drinking water and drive almost everywhere so can’t get drunk. As well as avoiding those, I’m trying to cook healthier. Before I would fry pretty much everything in quite a lot of oil. Now I’m trying to grill most things or if I do need to fry I’m using healthier options. The biggest issue so far for me is that this ‘diet’ suggest to avoid red meats. I love my meat foods, especially red meat, so this is incredibly challenging for me. For the duration of this I’m keeping a food diary (starting tomorrow as I just bought the diary :p). This will help me find out any foods that worsen or alleviate pain.

That is pretty much all for now. I’ll try not to leave it so long till my next post.

Butterfingers

Tue, 01 May 2012 19:23:09 +0100

So today has been rather frustrating as i cant seem to hold anything. I lost count by 9am how many times i dropped something.

It’s so annoying cause everyone looks at you with that sort of half smirk half confused face.

Despite that i’ve had a really good day. Kept positive and tried to just laugh with the joke. Finding something to focus on so you ignore the fact your fingers won’t work helps.

Welcome to a good day

Fri, 20 Apr 2012 20:18:00 +0100

Today has been a brilliant day. My boyfriend has been massaging my back with a gel he read can help, i’ll have to post later what the name is. Anyway, its really helped. I have had a lot less pain today, could walk without a limp and had a great day at work. After a few days of excrutiating pain this is a welcomed good day.

Photo

Wed, 18 Apr 2012 10:35:00 +0100

So true.

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 20:05:29 +0100

So true.

Photo

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 20:01:17 +0100

Perception..

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 19:55:50 +0100

The most frustrating thing I find with my pain is the perception of others.

A lot of people at work and in my personal life know I suffer from a pain syndrome that I will have for life. Yet on my bad days when I come in with a limp or can’t lift something or reach up to a shelf I get a look of surprise. I’m asked ‘What have you done?” and everyone thinks I just have yet another injury. ‘There’s always something else wrong’ kind of attitude is what seems to float around me.

The pain with fibromyalgia doesn’t always affect just one area. One day my knee could be what’s hurting most, currently it’s my hip, more often it’s my back. And I wish that I could just hide it but when it makes a physical difference I can’t and having those snide comments that you think are jokes doesn’t help. It brings me down, makes ignoring the pain a hundred times harder. Makes me snap at you when it gets too much cause you’re laughing at my pain.

Welcome to me and my life..

Mon, 16 Apr 2012 22:42:04 +0100

Hi there,

So I guess I should introduce what this blog is about and who I am….

In this blog I will be posting about how my life is, what I do, how I feel, my good and bad days. There will be positive and negative posts. If you don’t like reading negative things then don’t check back here - this is going to be a brutally honest blog.

My main reason to start this blog is my ongoing lifestyle changes due to fibromyalgia and how I’m trying to cope with the degeneration of my daily lifestyle. This first post is going to be longer than average for the rest of the blog as I will introduce the syndrome and myself. This blog is here to serve as a way to release some stress that builds up whilst living with this syndrome and also to provide some kind of understanding to people who don’t know what it’s like to have fibromyalgia. I also hope that this provides and insight to other fibromyalgia sufferers into different treatments that are out there and how they can help to improve the life we lead.

What’s fibromyalgia I hear you mutter….

Fibromyalgia is a musculoskeletal syndrome that causes pain in the fibrous tissues of the body. Fibrous tissues includes tendons, ligaments and muscles. It is felt as an all over dull aching and on bad days as a stabbing pain in a focused area. This area can be different on different days. It is a chronic syndrome with no cure and not much known about it’s cause making treatment fairly hard. Fibromyalgia also links to a number of other health issues including depression, sleep problems, diet

And who am I?

I am the type of person that seems to always have something wrong. Let’s start from the beginning shall we, be prepared for a long ride. This isn’t meant to be me moaning, I want you to understand what I live with either as an insight for people who take health for granted or as reassurance to people who suffer with anything I do that someone feels the same way.

Since being a child I’ve had a number of allergies, not the normal kind though. Think of the food you eat, the flavours you love? the drinks you enjoy? I probably can’t eat 50% of that. My allergies include anything spicier than your average table pepper, this results in the swelling of my tongue and throat. If it’s chilli I eat then 999 better be already dialing as I will stop breathing in about 5 minutes. Luckily I can avoid the stuff I’m allergic to, just a bit annoying, right?

Aside from allergies, I’m also slightly wheat and lactose intolerant. Luckily for me I’m not celiac which means my stomach doesn’t try and eat itself if I have gluten. I just get really bad stomach pains. Again I can avoid these, just a bit annoying - cuts down my food options greatly.

So aside from my food allergies and intolerances….I’ve been diagnosed with severely high cholesterol. I was diagnoised at the age of 23 and my doctor also believes I’ve already been experiencing heart problems due to my high cholesterol since I was 21. So much so my doctor put me on an emergency diet. Should help improve it….unfortunately the emergency diet gives me a list of foods that I need to eat so I intake ‘good’ cholesterol which counteracts ‘bad’ cholesterol. All of which being something I’m allergic to or contains wheat that I’m meant to be avoiding. Not a long term option for me. So I’m now getting prepared to go on medication for the rest of my life.

As you can guess from the blog I suffer from Fibromyalgia. I was diagnosed almost a year ago and haven’t be coping well with the condition. My pain has been getting worse and my daily lifestyle has been turned upside down. When I was diagnosed I had pain in around 85% of my body, I now have pain in over 95% that is quite severe on a bad day. I get little relief if I take painkillers and I’m regularly on codydramol or codeine to take the edge off of my bad days. As most people know, being on any painkiller regularly is not good for you therefore something I hope to avoid as much as I can. I’m at the point where I can hardly walk on my bad days and have even had mornings where I can’t physically get myself out of bed or dress myself.

Fibromyalgia is the type of syndrome that you don’t know what to expect. One day I could be the intelligent, happy and mobile girl I was just a couple of years ago. The next I could be unable to walk more than 10 metres before having to stop and forget what someone’s name is who I’ve known for months.
It’s frustrating to feel like you’re losing your body and mind simultaneously.

I hope this first entry hasn’t been too intense, but I do hope you know have an understanding of what I face. The continuing posts will be a lot shorter, and aim to be informative and hopefully, if various treatments go well, positive.